Someday I'll fly away

It's inevitable that at some point you're going to leave your fly open by mistake. Because let's face it, we pull our fly up and down (or rather down and up) so many times in one day that it's bound to happen sooner or later. We're only human after all.

This has happened quite a few times to me. But also because I left it down on purpose and forgot to pull it back up when social circumstances called for it.

Incident 1-100
Cause: Tardiness
I hit snooze too many times and overlooked my fly in my hurry to get dressed and dash out the door for my 1-hour+ extravaganza journey to work/brunch with a friend/trip to the gym/etc. When this happens, I finish dressing in the metro or bus without a care for who's watching because I still have sleep in my eyes. I've also been known to take my inside-out T-shirt off and put it back on the right way upon arriving at the office.

Incident 101
Cause: Bloatedness
I'd undone my fly on a transatlantic flight because I always get bloated on such a long flight. When I stood on my chair to get my bag out of the overhead locker upon landing, I completely forgot my fly was still open. My jumper rose, revealing my open fly to anyone watching.

Incident 102
Cause: Overeating
I'd gone over to a friend's house for a dinner party and gorged myself as per usual on a scrumptious feast. When I got up from the table post-dinner, I completely forgot I'd opened my fly to ease my full tummy, revealing my open fly to luckily just the host, who was a little inebriated and high anyway.

Incident 103
Cause: Shenanigans
My boyfriend and I had been sneekily canoodling in the bathroom at a thanksgiving dinner. I came out of the bathroom first with a silly grin on my face and my fly proudly open to just one person who happened to be looking - a guy who'd asked me out on a date a couple of years ago and who I'd spinelessly turned down with the excuse, "I'm busy but I'll call you next week" and who I'd not called next week or indeed ever again.

Incident 104
Cause: Forgetfulness
I had a debrief with someone at work (which involved her sitting at her desk and me standing up, ie, my fly not far from her eye level). It wasn't until afterwards that I realized I must have forgotten to pull my fly up after my visit to the ladies' room. How unprofessional of me.

Tip of the day:
If you are prone to any of these causes, throw away all those grey overwashed knickers and instead wear a lovely pair of knickers every single day, don a cheeky smile, and you can get away with almost anything.